Recap, Hour 2 (and some of Hour 1, too)

Hair Gel moments = Abounding, in our middle eastern politicians.
Dammit = 2 (M thinks 5)
Women Proven Evil =0
Women Proven Stupid =0
Women Proven to Have a Secret = at least 2
Issues with Accent Integrity/Continuity = multiple!
"Not my problem" = 3 or 4 I lost count or can't remember

OK, here's where we stand 2 hours in. (Please let this be the last day of my life I spend with Jack! It has been 7 very long days for me, too. That's not my problem!)

Jack's not dead. We guess that the stem cell therapy worked after last season. Grampa Jack is about to go to LA with his family and do some security consulting (I'm sure that Blackwater, I mean Xe, can use him) and hang with his granddaughter.

There's a beautiful world of peace and love and an anti-nucular treaty about to be signed, all very very tenuously woven together with lies and charm and hairgel...but it won't get signed if someone kills the President of the Islamic Republic who looks suspiciously like Jack Lord in his Hawaii-Five O days.

His younger brother, very much like a plot of a Bollywood film, is in cahoots with a NYPD traffic officer who is actually a nefarious international criminal mastermind who can move seamlessly around Manhattan with heavy weaponry. (with his fabulous accents)

President McGarret has apparently been "interviewing" a hot blonde journalist. She's been set up to look like an insider who is going to try and kill the Pres.

Mme. President has been divorced, and sent her daughter off to jail. Ethan is still in the picture.

The new head of CTU, Hastings, is a total tool, and his second is another blonde (and one with a past). Our story opens up with a good agent not having adequate backup and losing a couple of colleagues in an improbable shoulder launched missile attack on a helicopter somewhere in Chelsea. Hastings tries to get the good agent (Cole) to lie about it, within Jack's earshot.

When Jack gets re-embroiled in this whole drama (and other than stuff blowing up, nothing interesting to report on this) he overhears this ethically slippery convo...and is able to use it later to sort of get deputized, armed and staffed with Chloe (who is kind of the low man on the totem pole in the new CTU, and treated as though she's worthless -- she'll show them!)

Jack Lord has a gorgeous wife whose furious with him, and a doe-eyed daughter who is certain to wind up as a hostage of her evil uncle.

As the hour closes, the evil cop is unable to get someone to switch shifts with him (I guess that mad criminal mastermind skillz only go so far...you can't hack the duty roster) and is resorting to shooting someone's wife in the leg to get his way. (We've seen that one before.)

Jack's loaded up his man purse with weapons, and is ready to go.

Oh, yeah, there's another CTU analyst named Arlo whose a little slippery and probably knows more than he appears to. (Though I'm thinking that he's expendable. Remember Milo? And -- sob -- Eggar?)

We don't know (or can't remember, and possibly don't care) what happened to Tony, Renee, Janeane/Janis...we wonder if the President's husband is going to come back into the picture. We miss Eggar, The Twenty-Eight Year Old President, and kind of expect to see Morris, their kid and the kid's baboo...

That's as much as I can handle... (it's more than I can handle!!! I have to do it in 1 hour increments!! My other TV and Facebooking is suffering... I mean... My mob and farm are in a shambles)