Previously on 24: 3pm - 4pm

Usually somewhere around 3pm is when I need a good cup of coffee. This is clearly true for the cast and writers of 24.

(Maybe that's where Tony went, off to Starbucks. I think he's probably up for a drink that features pomegranate, for its anti-oxidant qualities. One of those pink frothy drinks that come with the clear domed top that's like a nest for a big pile of whipped cream. Yeah, that's what Tony is doing. Or maybe he's having a shave. But I digress.)

The First Man has been brought to Dubaku, who can't wait to confess to having killed the First Son. He feels the need to justify his actions, telling the First Man that the First Son basically deserved it, for having stuck his nose where it wasn't wanted.

Jack, Renee, and Bill take a meeting with Madame President and the PM, convincing her that they are the only people she can trust. (Her security detail clearly trusts them, as she is left to meet with them solo. Uh, yeah.) (And I can't remember where Mrs. PM went, but to be sure she will wind up as a liability at some point in the future.)

While everyone is wishing for some coffee in one of the nice West Wing china sets you always see at the meetings of the joint chiefs, Dubaku calls to "negotiate". He orders one of his men to cut off The First Man's finger to prove that he's serious.

We're treated to some sound effects on that front. The President is moist-eyed, but unmoved.

Jack goes off after Agent Hair Gel, and sends Renee off for her second act of improbable torture in her short career as a rogue -- and attempts to convince Agent Hair Gel, his wife, and Renee that Renee will hurt his darling baby. Renee, clearly not having not read Kant (see "ends vs. means") cuffs the wife to a table (is that a Pottery Barn coffee table?) and appears to at least pantomime her intentions to comply.

Jack, having forgotten to cuff Agent Hair Gel, finds out where The First Man is and has to kill Hair Gel anyways, leaving his mess for the local LEOs to clean up.

The action takes us back to CTU, I mean the FBI Cubicle Farm, where Janeane/Janis coaches Sean on his affair with their insecure blonde colleague. (And he rescued his wife's plane on ane earlier episode because...he and his wife are part of an evil still-to-be revealed sub-plot having something to do with spreading a virus that causes facial immobility? And they need the insecure blonde chick for this? WTH?)

Dubaku takes some time off to manage his girlfriend's relationship with her needy and manipulative sister. Plot development: he's supporting them both, above and beyond the girlfriend's diner wages.

Big Sis: Stupid, not evil. She reveals to Dubaku that she's been able to tap into the intelligence community to find out that he doesn't actually exist. And then he asks, "So you haven't told anyone yet?"

He tells his colleagues that he has to take a break. (And don't think he won't stop at Starbucks on his way over, Dubaku is definitely a quad shot Americano in a tall cup -- and he won't be picking anything up for Big Sis, if you know what I mean.)

Bill, Ethan and Madame President engage in some improbable military strategy discussions. (Uh, waiter, where's that coffee?)

We see that while Jack has been stabbing Agent Hair Gel, his car has been being looted. Clearly the 24-verse is a dark and unrestful time for America. He trades up to a Cadillac (thanks Craig) and speeds off to pick up Renee and to go off and meet Agent Moss, who is happy to learn that Renee is alive, and glad to keep this secret by feigning a need to leave the office.

Renee is regretful of her actions, and says she wants out, "tomorrow." Jack has one of the best lines of the season when Agent Moss tells him, "The Rules are what make us better," and Jack says, "Not today."

A faux PM (another doomed Black man) has been driven to some industrial looking site (was this to try to stall Dubaku?) and everyone watches on video from the West Wing while someone gets them and their black SUV with an RPG. Sigh.

"M" and I don't know if we can hack it for the rest of the season. (But what else is there to do on a Monday night? And Craig, I don't even know how to operate my VCR, so I have to watch "live!" You're no dinosaur!)

(And talk about growing a pair! The women who brought us The Rules are clearly evil, and not stupid. Despite the fact that at least one of them has divorced, they've managed to build a business vending out dating coaches and doing product extensions of their dubious yet best-selling book. Not to mention marketing based on the fruits of the nefarious literary labors of their competitors. The headline on their website: "Is He Just Not That Into You? Or is he into you but you don't know how to get him? Book a consultation and find out." We've got to put the Insecure Blonde Chick in touch with them.)

Bloop, bloop. Do I still have time to get to yoga class?