Kim!

Go back to FBI headquarters, stat.

Listen to your age appropriate husband.

Oh, wait...we only have 2 and a half hours left. A suspicious person is slinking around Kim?

(And I can't really dignify anything more on the Olivia story line. It's just stupid.)

"Terrible Threes"

M's son is refusing to eat. Sigh.

Dammit Chloe!

Evil Will Patton

Oh, I completely forgot about Will Patton! We love him. I looked all over last week for a photo of him with Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan, no luck...

Oaaah, torture! Way to go.

Previously on 24: 4am - 5am

Here's Kiefer, looking a little tired, apparently doing the right thing late last week, turning himself in at a Manhattan police precinct.

The Post or Daily News had a photo of the bloodied Kiefer the night before, with a headline like, "Jack cracks," or something equally intelligent.

Sigh. Kiefer, even if someone offends Brooke Shields, headbutting is never an appropriate response in real life.

Use your words instead!

Poor guy.

That said, his fictional alter ego is also having a very bad day. I wasn't too excited about last week's episode, let's see what I can remember.

In the meantime, Tony is still sucking face with his evil girlfriend, and calling shots on when the bioweapon attack should take place. Tony and co. have bullied this poor guy -- who only came here from an unnamed (or unremembered) Middle Eastern country so that his brother could access the American dream -- into being a patsy for the Canister attack. There's all kinds of IT drama loading stuff to his computer, etc.

Jon Voight/Hodges/Daddgelina has been given immunity, and he starts to prepare for his boring life as a possibly still evil denizen of some suburb in a big square state somewhere far west of here. There are all kinds of intimations about the special country club treatment that he'll have at the Betty Ford Center for witness protection...

...and simultaneously, Oilivia is plotting to have him killed, having had a White House tete a tete with someone she apparently may also have "dated" who she believes can connect her to a hit man. After lots of discussion about the potential consequences of this action, he agrees to help her.

Aaron is oblivious. Or is he?

In the meantime, Jack and Chloe have identified the Muslim guy, Jibran, and his imam. Renee and Jack head off to the mosque so that Jack can abuse a religious leader, who rises to the bait and acts belligerent and resistant, refusing to tell Jack where the supposed terrorist lives.. Jack throws some cuffs on him, and they drive off towards Jibran's place.

Tony gets poor Jibran to tell his brother that he's a terrorist, and the kid spits in his face. Tony and Jibran leave, apparently to do something nefarious that will reflect badly on Jibran. Tony has convinced Jibran that he's saving his brother's life by cooperating....I don't think so.

Olivia has voice contact with a mysterious disembodied being who will pull the trigger on Hodges, so to speak, as soon as she presses "execute" button on her computer screen that will apparently initiate a $250K wire transfer. (Heh heh, "execute", get it?)

At the last minute, Oily Olivia has a change of heart, and presses "cancel" on the transaction screen. She skips off to the White House ICU; the First Man has been moved from West Arlington hospital pending the Canister attack.

The First Family shares a tender reunion.

Hodges is released into the custody of witness protection wallahs by Janeane/Janis. (WTH? We thought she was in IT.)

(And may I digress? As if this whole blog weren't a digression. What the heck was anyone thinking about Janeane Garafolo, period...and then, what about the character of Janis, one of the least interesting characters ever to come to 24? I mean, bring back Milo!)

Hodges gets into the back of a black SUV, which then blows up real good.

Word gets back to the White House. Olivia swings back to the "stupid" side of the evil vs. stupid game, and makes a panicked phone call to the macher (I've always wanted to use that word!) who set her up with the hitman. They agree to a predawn meeting at some park.

(Hopefully there's a Starbucks nearby. I'm gonna suggest that Olivia get one of those big pink frappucino drinks. You know, the ones with the whipped cream on top that require the extra long straws. She could use the calories -- 570 with whipped cream, per the Starbucks website, which seems like a bit of creative marketing unless the pink stuff is just water and pink ice, blenderized -- and should avoid the caffeine.)

(And another aside. The nature of this season's WMD has taken some of the pleasure that the Women of the 24 Blog used to get from using the word "nucular." Sigh.)

Oh, yeah, Chloe and Jack, bla bla, tender moment, one day to live, etc.

Due to Chloe's studly IT skills, she's learned that Jibran is being framed. Jack and Renee impress the Imam with their mental flexibility. Jack is in a World of Pain. The Imam reminds Jack that it's never too late to find one's relationship with God.

Jack and Renee surprise the guy holding Jibran's brother. The brother quickly breaks a mirror and starts slashing the heck out of the bad guy. Eew. He's subdued quickly enough, and Jack roars iconic words, "We need a medic," in hopes of keeping the bad guy alive long enough to find out the Canister's target.

As the show closes, Mme. President wants to know who on the inside could have had Hodges blowed up, and Tony and Jibran are apparently preparing for an attack on the Metro.

Previews show Jack wailing on Tony, Kim pouting, and Olivia slinking around.

We are gonna hope for some of the good old time 24 writing: Hodges isn't really dead; Aaron -- working in cahoots with the also undead Nina -- has somehow prevented this from happening.

Bloop, bloop. See you in a few hours.

Yoga Pose of The Day: Restorative Legs Up The Wall

This week was a bit of a pit stop before we waste, I mean spend the next 3 hours of our lives in the 24-verse for the season.

The rest we got tonight was time to restore, and settle ourselves. Legs up the wall pose has a couple of advantages. It's an inversion, which gives you the benefits of the headstand without the effort...and also, it is a good thing to try if you're experiencing difficulty sleeping. Or if you just need to take a break and seriously rest.

You don't need all of the blankets and eyepads...those just make the pose even juicier and more restorative.

If only Jack had 15 minutes to spend in legs up the wall pose!

Recap

Dammit =2
Dead Screen Icons =1
IT Professionals off task=1 (Janeane transferring a perp into witness protection)
Perimeters =0
Resurrections =0
Women proven stupid =1 (Olivia, now both stupid and evil)
Women proven evil =0
Explosions =1
Dead Handsome Black Men =0 (low body count today...)
Stereotypes = multiple
Participation in Tactical Operations by Men with Degenerative Brain Diseases =1
Abuse of Religious Leaders by Rogue Federal Agents in the service of anti-terrorist activities =1

Sigh. The story moves on, but without the juice of last week...where, oh where is the canister?

Spoiler alert: it looks like Kim will be back next week. And Tony will be in Jack's reach!

"M" says: If Jack does do Tony in, he will have to kill him as if he were a vampire! I also am guessing that Aaron may have "helped" Oilivia. Something, sadly, looked shady about the was Aaron was looking at her afterwards.

Dammit

Again, someone else bleeding out before he can out his evil friends.

And Hamid, pretty adept to smash the mirror and slice the guy. Maybe both of these supposed patsies are actually bad guys. (Or maybe they watch too much TV.)

Credible

Let the guy with the degenerative brain disease run point...

Aha, Blackmail...

Aaron knows that something is up...they didn't bring him back just to hold doors for Oilivia.

Inside Job

First Dammit, from Mme. President.

Oh, yeah.

Called That One

Boom.

It Might Be Too Late, Olivia

I'm suspecting that pressing "cancel" wasn't enough to stop the train from leaving the station.

And where is "M"? Have she and her family gone into their backyard bomb shelter?


"M": I liked the "Execute" verbage on the webpage! We were getting tires for the minivan! Alas, the bomb shelter was removed. There really honestly was one in the '60s. In the hot summer you can see the outline where the old cement leaches all the moisture from the grass :-)

Time For Aaron To Save Olivia

from herself...

Incredible

Talk about profiling -- in case we were worried that 24 had gotten too PC, don't worry, here's the angry Imam.

Sigh.

Wait

Janeane is transferring Hodges into witness protection?

I thought she was in IT!

And Hodges, if you won't use the therapy, maybe they'll have hot stone massages and seaweed wraps, at the Colorado witness protection transition facility. It's like a spa for treasonous psychotic criminals like yourself. (Yoga could help...you can use your new life to make some needed changes!)

Spoiler Alert

Jibrhan has got to be a real terrorist. Nobody could be so cool and on the spot like this. Maybe he'll be the one who takes Tony down!

Jack, You Should Be In West Arlington Hospital

That's where they treat all the VIPs. Morris can come on in and give you a ride over.

NB: he's got "a day, maybe two". Hello, next season?

Morris can give him a babu (have we found out what that is?!?!?!?!)

Political Correctness...

it'll get you nowhere, Janis/Janeane.

Oops, Renee spills the beans again! Jack's gonna be might POd.

Regular People

They're such patsies.

Previously on 24: 3am - 4am

Sorry, it wasn't a yawn last week, but a giant explosion is about to happen -- in my kitchen. I've got to empty the cabinets before some work can get done tomorrow...this stuff always takes forever. And I'm not done yet!

That said, a few highlights of last week.

Jack: still dying
Tony: still re-evil and part of a conspiracy that involves Canisters, an evil chick, killing a guy in the bathroom, with a shower curtain (Professor Plum was nowhere in evidence), and then showering apparently around the dead guy's still-warm body
Oilivia: still evil, and now plotting to murder Daddgelina
Chloe: still pouty, and back to bring up the CTU servers, on the order of President Madame
Mme. President: still micromanaging: after ordering the CTU servers recommissioned, I think she went off camera to rack them up herself, and then to sign off on the White House bi-weekly payroll
Daddgelina: alive after he "took the pill", and being threatened by Jack, who wants to know who is in charge of the next scheduled attack (aka Tony's boss)
First Man: probably in the next room over from Angelina's dad in good old West Arlington Hospital
Eggar, Teri (grandma, not baby), David Palmer, and Bill: all still dead
Nina: if Tony can come back, can't she?
Kim: still stupid
Other Bauers: still MIA

tick, tock, bloop, bloop