Previously on 24: 1pm - 2pm

It has been so long since we were out here, that we forgot about one of our blog features, "Previously on 24".

And this season, I've forgotten so much about 24 that even last week's show has hardly stuck in my mind. Let's see what I can remember. (And I don't have much time, I have a business dinner first!)

Jack and Tony have gone off with the bad guys, having faux assassinated, buried and dumped the body of Audrey, I mean Renee. We've been treated to a head fake by way of a silent clock in the 12:55 timeframe...so as the show opens, we don't know about the poor girl's fate.

We do guess, however, that we can put her in the stupid, but not evil, category.

In the meantime, the FBI is still going after her, despite the fact that they seem to have audio on the order to kill her (with a mere 15 minute delay -- if only we had that in real life) and figure her for a goner. Her boss, Inappropriate Relationship Guy whose name I truly can't remember, is heartbroken. The government has already seemingly stopped the torture investigation against her. Janeane/Janis, possibly even more evil than Nina (or perhaps Nina has had some some significant reconstructive surgery and is now a small and not so smoldery IT babe) is not so much on the scene.

On the way to the warehouse with PM and Mrs. PM, there is an annoying soap opera scene, complete with smoldery glances between Tony and the Good Looking Bad Guy (is his name David?) -- "M" points out that as much as she loves her husband, she's as hot for the bad guy as Tony might be -- and GLBG tells the whole story about how Tony went rogue in about 25 seconds (lending a very bubbly soap factor). Tony smolders, especially when GLBG and he talk about their bond. Ahem. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

The bad guys get to a warehouse, where they plan to get rid of Bauer. If I remember correctly.

Bill and Chloe -- we still don't know where Karen, Morris, or Chloe's child (or children) are -- arrive on the scene where Renee was dumped, dig her up, and treat us to some pulp fiction action, injecting her with adrenaline so that she'll come back to life. Resurrection! They convince her that she's pretty much gonna have to go rogue with them, though I can't remember their reasoning. (I had my head between my knees while I was typing so that I wouldn't faint.)

Back at Sam's apartment, Brian, in one of my more stunningly bad calls in my 6 year history with 24 (absent that season that became so stupid that "M" and I stopped watching, which we hope we won't have to repeat ths year), has proven to be a total psychopath. And his last name is Gedge?

Sam, stupid/not evil, is dead, and Agent Gedge is putting the First Man's fingerprints onto the Ginsu knife Gedge had used to kill Sam. He takes a call from (Possibly) Evil Ethan, who is all upset about Gedge letting the First Man out...and then drags the First Man up the stairs, to a landing from which he is going to stage a faux suicide by hanging.

The First Man arises from the secret paralytic drug he's been given, and in a scene reminiscient of the final scene (at least the last one I remember) in The War of the Roses, takes himself and Gedge over the edge. Gedge looks like a goner.

There's a shootout at the warehouse. Yawn. Jack and Tony have managed to kill lots of the bad guys, there's a tender scene where GLBG dies without forgiving Tony for going un-rogue and then Jack and Tony release the PM and Mrs. PM, and convince them that he and Tony really are good guys, and that they must be delivered to the other bad guys. (Who are then supposed to kill Tony and the other rogues...Jack kills them first, sniper style.)

Oh yeah, one of the terrorists has the President's cell number, and nobody in our government can take a trip to Radio Shack to build a device to disconnect the bad guy's from the nation's single firewall that is the source of all protection from bad guys.

The bad guys make two planes collide. Sigh.

The President has several improbable foreign policy one on ones with her staffers, demands to talk to every first responder in the country, and generally proves herself to be a micromanaging ninny, incapable of leading.

Women.

What could possibly happen this week? Oh, yeah -- there's a matter of that disaster in some vowel state that the chief bad guys are planning to foment.

Maybe we'll find out that Kim is watching Chloe's kids. Even better yet, that Kim and Morris are now married and share custody with Chloe -- Karen is back in Vermont running the yoga studio that she and Bill opened in a converted barn.

Maybe Jack will show his ruthless, yet tender side once again. He seemed a bit out of his element last week. He wasn't even in a World of Pain. He just seemed to wonder, "WTH (heck) am I doing here?"

And what happened to Jack's dad and his nephew/son? Will we ever meet Jack's mom? And what about Jack's smoldery sis-in-law, and mother of his nephew/son? Not to mention Awwwdrey's dad? (She's dead, right? But Boomer Babe William Devane still has my heart!) And what about TEYOP, who according to Wikipedia is still in a coma?

(On the soaps, they wake these guys up every few years. But before we awaken Wayne, maybe "M" and I should fedex the writers some Red Bull and organic blue corn tortilla chips to perk them up. Guys, the strike is over. Get cracking.)

"M", Friends, anything else to add? I've gotta run, or I'll miss my business dinner!