Previously on 24: 2pm - 3pm

Ok, here's the deal. I have a conference call, a gathering at a neighborhood arts organization,and a girl's gotta eat: so I must limit myself to 15 minutes to write this recap.

That may be more time than the writers have spent on either plot or character this season.

Jack and Tony have followed PM and Mrs. PM to Dubaku's headquarters. (I forgot, as Craig points out, that Chloe had lo-jacked the PM via a dental implant. "M" and I should consider that for our parents.) Jack and Tony start crawling around in the duct-work of the building.

Chloe has spent too much time creating dental implants, when she should have been stalking the aisles of Radio Shack for components for a CIP device clone. So the bad guys can toy with us by using the prototype to hack into the system that controls release of a deadly toxic gas at a chemical plant in one of what we New Yorkers like to call the Vowel States.

(And possibly access to my tax return.)

Janeane/Janis has become aware of this threat via her ability to notice a disturbance in the force, and the writers introduce and kill off the only character worthy of the appellation we've seen all season. On the way to his inevitable death, the heroic head of a chemical plant engages in some blatantly sexist, yet jaunty, banter with Janeane/Janis while she improbably tries to talk him through manually overriding the terrorist's nefarious actions.

Is it possible that the producers/directors of 24 have recycled the Evil Veep's acting coach? Has anyone else noticed that Janeane Garofalo's face has lost all mobility? (And we know that Powers Booth and Janeane both have faces that work, by virtue of their work on other shows. Booth was amazing on Deadwood, which I watched on Netflix last summer. And Janeane? 6 simple words: The Truth About Cats and Dogs.)

Or is a virus that limits facial mobility the actual threat Jack will face down in this rest of his really bad day?

The terrorists find out that Jack, Tony and Bill are in the building, unplug the device, and get the hell out of dodge, after rigging the poor guy who made the CIP device to blow, yet improbably leaving the PM and Mrs. PM behind. (Or did they take the wife with them?)

Boom.

(Possibly) Evil Ethan is all cheesed off because he can't find the First Man. He complains to the president that her husband is unreachable, off chasing his conspiracy theory. Yeah, now would be a good time to distract the president with her family problems.

(America in the 24-verse has gotta be laffing their backsides off every time someone calls the President's husband The First Gentlemen. Writers, please, stop with the chamomile tea and reiki treatments: get yourselves a flipping steak and some good Scotch and get this season back on track, stat!)

After some really inexplicably terrible dialogue, which reveals exactly nothing about why everyone but Jack has gone rogue (except that Tony and Bill may have hooked up -- not that there is anything wrong with that, but it certainly explains Karen's absence), Motobo calls the White House and makes an appointment to come on in.

The agent who was backing up the dead Agent Gedge, you know, the one who could use a dose of hair gel (now known as Agent Hair Gel), gets instructions from Dubaku, who has taken the bus back to his apartment (WTH?) to bring the First Man to him alive.

A chick from Dubaku's apartment complex drops by to hit on him. Hey, were there any smoldery glances? I'll have to type less this week and keep my eyes on the screen.

Tony takes off, electing to remain rogue (and possibly to take some time for facial hair management). Jack and company get on the bus for the White House, but as I did type too much last week, I don't know if they are taking the whole circus (i.e. Renee, who is surely useful presumed dead, Chloe, etc.) or if it is just Jack and the PM going in.

We have zero tie-ins to prior seasons, other than the Tony coming back to life thing. And Jack's face also seems mobility challenged. I think he's just tired.

If the writers could only get a little more tanked up on caffeine, I know that things could be better...

Any comments from the blogosphere?

Bloop, bloop...

(Photo is Frozen Face On The Esplanade, by flickr's kenudigit, used under Creative Commons License.)