Previously On 24: 10pm - 11pm

Ack, is it already Monday?

Let's see if we can remember what happened last week. There wasn't much, really.

I'm trying to remember if last week was the week that Renee decided that she needed to shower at the arms dealers' bizarre hideout. Is it a warehouse? A garage? A bachelor pad?

Oh, I digress. That was the week before.

So, after Jack (aided by Bridezilla's intended & his awesome sniper skills) dispatches with Vlad's handlers, rather than buying the farm and losing $5 million of our tax dollars, he speeds off towards evil Russian HQ.

Dancing between Vlad's hands as he alternately paws at her and throws back snorts of vodka, Renee goads Bad Vlad into calling the Bad Dad to inquire about the Rods....Bad Dad feigns ignorance and insults Bad Vlad, telling him to never call him back again.

At this point, the Ladies at the 24 Blog were scratching our heads and wondering why Renee and Jack needed Vlad. As "M" points out, there are far too many characters and plotlines (albeit so thin as to make tenuosity seem like extreme tensile strength.)

Jack arrives on the scene, and then Vlad starts to posture, increasing his pawing behavior and ordering Renee around. The pinnacle of ridiculosity was when he demands that Renee get him some bread.

Apparently, the army of beings at typewriters who are spooling out this drivel haven't been out and about around humans much, and (as Tai points out) have no idea about other ways to put a knife in Renee's hand so that she can ultimately take care of Vlad for once and for all.

This she finally does...followed by sticking Jack in the gut and leading up to a tender, yet ridiculous scene where instead of trying to figure out how to hold his intestines in -- not to mention worrying about whether his distemper shots are up to date, Renee having nailed him with the knife she used on Vlad -- Jack proclaims his "thereness" for her. (This despite the fact that they've apparently had no contact since day 7, which was at least 3 years ago...going on Toddler Teri's current age.)

Along the way, they managed to kill the rest of Vlad's guys (and there's some quality Jack in there -- an awesome knife throw, and shooting another guy through a window) and call in to CTU for backup.

(Duh, WTH? The tools at CTU were just listening in on this whole thing and need to be called for backup?)

All of a sudden, they are overrun by other Russians, sent to the scene by Bad Dad. Jack decides to be taken by these guys...kind of a Trojan Horse, "take me to your leader" combo play. He stashes Renee in a closet, where she remains until CTU comes by to scoop up what remains of her.

In the meantime, the President of The Islamic Republic is playing both sides. Agreeing to signing this massive world-changing non-nuclear (we never know how to say this -- the Bush way and the Obama way have both been represented this season) treaty. While at the same time, going all medieval on human rights, including a sudden paranoia about his own staff members...and it looks like this week, the handsome staffer who is allowed to be left alone with the doe-eyed Presidential daughter is going to be subject to extreme torture.

His wife and Infidel Girlfriend are nowhere to be found.

CTU loses Jack's GPS chip, and he's inadvertently gone dark.

Oh, yeah, almost forgot. Bridezilla walks her MethHead boyfriend Kevin through a robbery at a police evidence warehouse. Instead of leaving neatly, as instructed, his Bromantic Partner starts messing around, and they leave a trail of shredded stuff around them.

One of NY's Finest comes in on his regular patrol, and instead of neatly avoiding him (as instructed) these yahoos beat him up with a baseball bat that they've handily procured from the evidence locker.

Madame President is a total, I don't know. If I called her a cipher, that would give her far too much importance in the season thus far. She has been extremely wishy-washy and far more ethically challenged than one would expect of a woman who allowed her own murderous daughter to go to jail. She calls improbable meetings, and (actually a 24 signature) never seems to have more than one advisor with her at a time, causing her to have improbably convos with members of the intelligence community and low level foreign bureaucrats.

What's a girl to do?

That's all I can remember. The previews looked promising. Jack strung up by his wrists (haven't we already seen that one?) Bridezilla telling her Intended that there's stuff about her past she hasn't shared with him...

But that could be the only good 15 seconds of the episode.

Sigh.

How many more hours will we make it this season?

Bloop, bloop.