Previously on 24: 8pm to 9pm

So, I was iceclimbing with two Federal agents yesterday. No, really. They were really nice, but sadly Jack didn't join us for Iceclimbing 101 class somewhere in the northeast.

(And, shut up, remaking Cliffhanger, our favorite movie about iceclimbing federal agents? How can you improve on perfection?)

But I digress.

But not really.

Here's the down and dirty on last week's episode. It tired me far more than a 6 hour ice climbing lesson. And even worse, I didn't burn a single calorie sitting on the sofa.

Ok. The Russians have the Rods. The President of the Islamic Republic's evil Bollywood brother, AKA Bolly Boy, is in cahoots with them to use them in a nucular weapon. The President, still wearing Jack Lord's hair (and exhibiting a similar dramatic range) is determined to sign a non-proliferation treaty. And leaders from around the world are jetting into NYC, just because a failed assassination attempt on one of the other world leaders is no big deal. (And Mayor Bloomberg apparently doesn't care about the cost to protect all of them.)

So that whole thing is going on.

Bridezilla has gone home to her supercool pad that she can in no way afford on a CTU analyst's salary (even if she is management)...to visit with her meth-head boyfriend, to whom she has inexplicably given her keys, at his command. Arlo is covering for her. But forget him, we predict that he's expendable. We don't know what happened to Janeane -- she was so expendable that they haven't even mentioned her character, she's not dead, in jail, or an unwed mother. But I digress. Bridezilla finds out that Kevin has invited a little friend over for some mayhem. They want insider info about CTU.

Tai points out that Bridezilla has been a bad@$$ elsewhere in TV land, so we're hoping that she dispatches with Kevin and friend (try the home invasion strategy!), changes out of her cocktail dress, and gets back into a more promising story line.

Jack and Renee cauterize the hand of the Russian butcher. It turns out that she only removed his thumb. But still. She gets into a car and has him direct her to Vlad, as he swills vodka from a pint bottle.

Sadly, Vlad shot him dead (mostly sad for us, since I had decided to rename him Captain Hook, and hadn't had the chance to use it)...and somehow in so doing, bestowed instant Russian mob credibility on Renee. She's so in with them, and apparently this will lead us back to the Rods. She's still in a World of Pain.

Oh, yeah, the Rods. So the Russian has two sons. One who's radioactive, one who isn't. Against his father's orders, the non-radioactive son decides to take his brother to a doctor. A hostage story ensues.

Yawn.

Other stuff probably happened, but I was barely able to hold my head up, I was so bored. The President, Mr. Hastings, and Kim, either barely present or unaccounted for. Mrs. Islamic Republic, and Faline, their doe-eyed daughter, kind of barely hanging on to relationships with Dad; his Infidel Girlfriend, not so much in the picture. Chloe, kind of peripheral. Eggar, still dead. Tony, in jail? (Or was that another deep cover?)

Ooh, speaking of deep cover, we did see a preview (and I think this was repeated on a commercial) of Renee saying, "Going dark," and shutting off her comms unit. Stretch.

We have no idea why the heck Jack even gives a hoot about Renee. Or what's going on with Jack's plane to LA -- a retired Navy Seabee I know flies jumpseat on military flights all the time, maybe Jack can avail himself of this benefit of his service.

Bloop, bloop. I wonder if I have a little glass of wine if I'll be able to stay awake?

"M"s newborn is finding that 24 interferes with his sleep patterns, so she'll catch us on DVR...