Rosa Has Obviously Read The Rules!

Marika has improbably white teeth.

And whew, Jack and Renee have thwarted that one.

Do you know what this man is? Marika says, "He's everything to me," and really means, "I'm stupid."

(One more woman enters the pantheon of the Stupid Women of 24. Check!)

C'mon, Janeane/Janis

Show us your eeeeeeevil face!

MORRIS!

Prescott!

And another soap opera explanation. Lame

OK, Improbable Occurrences are Proliferating

I can't even type. I'm laffing.

a) Madame President has gone from a micromanager to the ultimate delegator. She's going to the hospital and the military can handle everything else.
b) Bill and Chloe: reinstated by the president. Bill is now a one man security detail?

Chloe and Janeane/Janis: smackdown may be this week!

Is This Really 24's Most Gripping Season Yet?

Well, I have a firmer grip on my laptop -- this is the first year I've had a wireless connection and have been untethered from a desk area -- so when rolling in fits and gales of laughter, I'm holding on tight.

And oh yeah, I forgot one point about last week... Jack and Renee burst into the Chinese grocery store where Dubaku was holding the First Man! How did I forget? It wasn't all that gripping.

They've got him now...GSW to the chest. And hopefully the EMTs snagged the finger, it hasn't been too long since it was severed. If Jack can pack it in some ice from upstairs, they may be able to re-attach it.

Previously on 24: 3pm - 4pm

Usually somewhere around 3pm is when I need a good cup of coffee. This is clearly true for the cast and writers of 24.

(Maybe that's where Tony went, off to Starbucks. I think he's probably up for a drink that features pomegranate, for its anti-oxidant qualities. One of those pink frothy drinks that come with the clear domed top that's like a nest for a big pile of whipped cream. Yeah, that's what Tony is doing. Or maybe he's having a shave. But I digress.)

The First Man has been brought to Dubaku, who can't wait to confess to having killed the First Son. He feels the need to justify his actions, telling the First Man that the First Son basically deserved it, for having stuck his nose where it wasn't wanted.

Jack, Renee, and Bill take a meeting with Madame President and the PM, convincing her that they are the only people she can trust. (Her security detail clearly trusts them, as she is left to meet with them solo. Uh, yeah.) (And I can't remember where Mrs. PM went, but to be sure she will wind up as a liability at some point in the future.)

While everyone is wishing for some coffee in one of the nice West Wing china sets you always see at the meetings of the joint chiefs, Dubaku calls to "negotiate". He orders one of his men to cut off The First Man's finger to prove that he's serious.

We're treated to some sound effects on that front. The President is moist-eyed, but unmoved.

Jack goes off after Agent Hair Gel, and sends Renee off for her second act of improbable torture in her short career as a rogue -- and attempts to convince Agent Hair Gel, his wife, and Renee that Renee will hurt his darling baby. Renee, clearly not having not read Kant (see "ends vs. means") cuffs the wife to a table (is that a Pottery Barn coffee table?) and appears to at least pantomime her intentions to comply.

Jack, having forgotten to cuff Agent Hair Gel, finds out where The First Man is and has to kill Hair Gel anyways, leaving his mess for the local LEOs to clean up.

The action takes us back to CTU, I mean the FBI Cubicle Farm, where Janeane/Janis coaches Sean on his affair with their insecure blonde colleague. (And he rescued his wife's plane on ane earlier episode because...he and his wife are part of an evil still-to-be revealed sub-plot having something to do with spreading a virus that causes facial immobility? And they need the insecure blonde chick for this? WTH?)

Dubaku takes some time off to manage his girlfriend's relationship with her needy and manipulative sister. Plot development: he's supporting them both, above and beyond the girlfriend's diner wages.

Big Sis: Stupid, not evil. She reveals to Dubaku that she's been able to tap into the intelligence community to find out that he doesn't actually exist. And then he asks, "So you haven't told anyone yet?"

He tells his colleagues that he has to take a break. (And don't think he won't stop at Starbucks on his way over, Dubaku is definitely a quad shot Americano in a tall cup -- and he won't be picking anything up for Big Sis, if you know what I mean.)

Bill, Ethan and Madame President engage in some improbable military strategy discussions. (Uh, waiter, where's that coffee?)

We see that while Jack has been stabbing Agent Hair Gel, his car has been being looted. Clearly the 24-verse is a dark and unrestful time for America. He trades up to a Cadillac (thanks Craig) and speeds off to pick up Renee and to go off and meet Agent Moss, who is happy to learn that Renee is alive, and glad to keep this secret by feigning a need to leave the office.

Renee is regretful of her actions, and says she wants out, "tomorrow." Jack has one of the best lines of the season when Agent Moss tells him, "The Rules are what make us better," and Jack says, "Not today."

A faux PM (another doomed Black man) has been driven to some industrial looking site (was this to try to stall Dubaku?) and everyone watches on video from the West Wing while someone gets them and their black SUV with an RPG. Sigh.

"M" and I don't know if we can hack it for the rest of the season. (But what else is there to do on a Monday night? And Craig, I don't even know how to operate my VCR, so I have to watch "live!" You're no dinosaur!)

(And talk about growing a pair! The women who brought us The Rules are clearly evil, and not stupid. Despite the fact that at least one of them has divorced, they've managed to build a business vending out dating coaches and doing product extensions of their dubious yet best-selling book. Not to mention marketing based on the fruits of the nefarious literary labors of their competitors. The headline on their website: "Is He Just Not That Into You? Or is he into you but you don't know how to get him? Book a consultation and find out." We've got to put the Insecure Blonde Chick in touch with them.)

Bloop, bloop. Do I still have time to get to yoga class?

Pose of the Week: Gomukhasana

Gomukhasana means "cow-face pose". Sometimes when I'm practicing it, I feel kind of stuck.

...perfect for this week's combination of limited mobility: facial, and plot.

(Photo From Yoga Art and Science)

Sigh, Time for the Scorecard

Dammit=3
Improbable Presidential Policy/Strategy gabfests =1
Federal Agents Acting Like Bad Guys =1
Federal Agents Proven to be Actual Bad Guys =1
Hair Gel Moments = 1
Dead Black Men =1
Resurrections =0
Women Proven Stupid =0
Women Proven Evil =0
Women Proven to Have a Spine =1 (Madame President)

Next week does Chloe go into the FBI situation room? Will she and Janeane/Janis have the chance to go mano a mano in RL?

Is something going to make us want to start to care?
M says: Sorry but I don't think so. I'm going to bed at 17 minute into my Tivo recording...

Bill's Hair

His hair seems shorter.

(Maybe Tony picked up some hair gel for him and brought it by? Tony can't be gone.)

And boom. Who was in the back seat? (Is this a return to the theme of the expendable Black man?)

Now, Jack and Renee don't seem to be wearing any body armor. That also seems improbable.

And Another Dammit!

This one from Larry. "What are you doing with that guy, Renee?"

Oh, the manipulative and interfering older sister is toast. The kind of toast Dubaku is going to have to pop into the toaster himself!

First Dammit!

Jack seems to have gotten some caffeine in him.

And he can use a car like a scalpel, too. (It looks like Agent Hair Gel is ok!)

I was just wondering why Jack hadn't cuffed Agent Hair Gel. Looks like that was a tactical error.

And second Dammit, too! It looks like Jack got a better car...but were those people looting his car before he carjacked that Bentley (or whatever it was)?

Improbable Convo with Madame President

Bill and (Possibly)Evil Ethan coming up with foreign policy and military strategy...

Check!

Dubaku

He's the ideal boyfriend! Even though he has to work late, but he's still there for his squeeze to give her advice on her relationship with her sister.

Another Confession!

Oh, yeah. Sean confesses to boinking the insecure blonde...to Janeane/Janis. In his cube?

Vossler must be Agent Hair Gel. And Renee is not proving to be a natural at going rogue.

"Renee will not end up like you, Jack." (Another sign that she must be stupid.)

"Jack, the rules are what make us better." And a classic Jack Bauer line: "Not today."

"I can't trust anyone"

Not even a rogue agent like you!

Hack (that was a typo, I decided not to fix it) says, "Madam President, you can trust me."

UGH. I can't handle much more. I'm laffing so hard, I'm practically crying.

I'm signing off. I can't do this tonight. Good night 24blog readers, Enjoy. Or maybe I should refer to as the 23 hour and 43 minutes.

Eeew

Cut off his finger!

And if (Possibly) Evil Ethan is evil, it's all over for the First Man?

President Cherry, grows a pair!

(And "everyone" thinks that Renee is dead? How about everyone that saw her sitting in White House reception?)

(Marzipan Halloween candy severed fingers? Who knew!)

Bad Guy Confession

In the tradition of 24, Dubaku confesses to the murder of the President's son.

The President announces her military strategy because the American public has a need to know?

Renee, she's coming in with Jack and Bill, so she's no longer presumed dead.

And another one on one (for all intents and purposes) with the President. Where is her protective detail? Bauer and Buchanan are allowed to be alone with the President?

"M" Comment: Catching on TIVO. Madam Prez says and "Bauer...." I'm having a really hard time with all of the storylines and caring much like "A" is. I only have about 10 minutes to watch before I have to go train so that my company's network can't be taken over like the government's did

OK, Obama Must Have Had a Date

I'll bet Michele wanted to watch 24 with him...he bolted right out of that news conference on time.

Previously on 24: 2pm - 3pm

Ok, here's the deal. I have a conference call, a gathering at a neighborhood arts organization,and a girl's gotta eat: so I must limit myself to 15 minutes to write this recap.

That may be more time than the writers have spent on either plot or character this season.

Jack and Tony have followed PM and Mrs. PM to Dubaku's headquarters. (I forgot, as Craig points out, that Chloe had lo-jacked the PM via a dental implant. "M" and I should consider that for our parents.) Jack and Tony start crawling around in the duct-work of the building.

Chloe has spent too much time creating dental implants, when she should have been stalking the aisles of Radio Shack for components for a CIP device clone. So the bad guys can toy with us by using the prototype to hack into the system that controls release of a deadly toxic gas at a chemical plant in one of what we New Yorkers like to call the Vowel States.

(And possibly access to my tax return.)

Janeane/Janis has become aware of this threat via her ability to notice a disturbance in the force, and the writers introduce and kill off the only character worthy of the appellation we've seen all season. On the way to his inevitable death, the heroic head of a chemical plant engages in some blatantly sexist, yet jaunty, banter with Janeane/Janis while she improbably tries to talk him through manually overriding the terrorist's nefarious actions.

Is it possible that the producers/directors of 24 have recycled the Evil Veep's acting coach? Has anyone else noticed that Janeane Garofalo's face has lost all mobility? (And we know that Powers Booth and Janeane both have faces that work, by virtue of their work on other shows. Booth was amazing on Deadwood, which I watched on Netflix last summer. And Janeane? 6 simple words: The Truth About Cats and Dogs.)

Or is a virus that limits facial mobility the actual threat Jack will face down in this rest of his really bad day?

The terrorists find out that Jack, Tony and Bill are in the building, unplug the device, and get the hell out of dodge, after rigging the poor guy who made the CIP device to blow, yet improbably leaving the PM and Mrs. PM behind. (Or did they take the wife with them?)

Boom.

(Possibly) Evil Ethan is all cheesed off because he can't find the First Man. He complains to the president that her husband is unreachable, off chasing his conspiracy theory. Yeah, now would be a good time to distract the president with her family problems.

(America in the 24-verse has gotta be laffing their backsides off every time someone calls the President's husband The First Gentlemen. Writers, please, stop with the chamomile tea and reiki treatments: get yourselves a flipping steak and some good Scotch and get this season back on track, stat!)

After some really inexplicably terrible dialogue, which reveals exactly nothing about why everyone but Jack has gone rogue (except that Tony and Bill may have hooked up -- not that there is anything wrong with that, but it certainly explains Karen's absence), Motobo calls the White House and makes an appointment to come on in.

The agent who was backing up the dead Agent Gedge, you know, the one who could use a dose of hair gel (now known as Agent Hair Gel), gets instructions from Dubaku, who has taken the bus back to his apartment (WTH?) to bring the First Man to him alive.

A chick from Dubaku's apartment complex drops by to hit on him. Hey, were there any smoldery glances? I'll have to type less this week and keep my eyes on the screen.

Tony takes off, electing to remain rogue (and possibly to take some time for facial hair management). Jack and company get on the bus for the White House, but as I did type too much last week, I don't know if they are taking the whole circus (i.e. Renee, who is surely useful presumed dead, Chloe, etc.) or if it is just Jack and the PM going in.

We have zero tie-ins to prior seasons, other than the Tony coming back to life thing. And Jack's face also seems mobility challenged. I think he's just tired.

If the writers could only get a little more tanked up on caffeine, I know that things could be better...

Any comments from the blogosphere?

Bloop, bloop...

(Photo is Frozen Face On The Esplanade, by flickr's kenudigit, used under Creative Commons License.)

Dictionary.com's word of the day: Toady

Toady (pronouced TOH-dee) is a noun and a verb.
1. a fawning flatterer; humble dependent
verb:1. to attempt to gain favor by fawning or being servile
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/2009/02/09.html